The Magic Joke Collection : Magic Card Creations (Green, Red, White)
The Magic Joke Collection

 


The Magic Joke Collection : Cool and Funny Magic Card Creations



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If a creature, its toughness

Note : Any joke with profanity, racism, discrimination, etc., will be disintegrated, incinerated, counterspelled, spell-blasted, fire balled, etc...

ALSO : It may take up to two weeks for your joke to appear.... please be patient, and visit often! :^)


Magic Card Creations



GREEN

Average Joe - Green Summon [0] 0/1
Sacrifice and Tap : well, no one would notice much.
go ahead, see if we care
Jeff Miller
Bessie the Cow - Green Summon [1G] 0/3
Summon Holstien
Cannot be used to attack. Comes into play with 5 cow-pie counters
Tap : Put a cow-pie counter on target attacking creature. That creature is considered blocked.
Submitted by Carl Wonders
Chameleon - Green Summon [1GG] 2/2
2 : tap land to give chameleon landwalk ability of that land type until end of turn.
You guys, this isn't a joke!
Submitted by Amorphous
Color-Coordinator - Green Summon [GG] 1/1
Protection from Mauve.
Oh, please! Green with MAUVE? Are you KIDDING?
Submitted by Cole Bozman
Dead Silence - Green Enchant World [GGGG]
Upkeep: Sacrifice a permanent.
All artifacts, enchantments, sorceries, instants, and interrupts are countered.
" ." -Calvin Coolidge
Submitted by John Y.
Enraged Badger - Green Summon [GGGGG5] 5/5
Tap and spend GGGGGX to destroy X cards. Cumulitive Upkeep of G
"Badgers? Badgers! We don't need no stinking badgers!"
Submitted by Keith Sinclair
Environmentalists - Green Enchantment [GGGGG5]
All lands in play are made basic forests for the rest of the game. Any non-forest land put into play after casted deals 10 damage to controller.
Submitted by Jeff
Force of Nature - Green Sorcery [GGGGG]
Target opponent loses there next turn
When you got to go, you got to go - Urza
Submitted by Nick Edwards
Green Terror - Green Summon [GGGG] 7/3
Trample
Green Terror cannot be targetted by any spells or effects.
Submitted by Chad McGowan
International Prejudice - Green Sorcery [2GG]
Any card that is not written in English is removed from the game
Submitted by Mark Monde
Ivy - Green Enchant Creature [2GG]
Target an untapped creature. That creature becomes a wall and gains all abilities associated with walls until this enchantment is destroyed or the creature is put in the graveyard. During your upkeep pay GG or destroy Ivy.
Submitted by Chad McGowan
Knights who say 'Ni' - Green Summon [GGG] 2/2
Tap : Tap target creature.
If at any time thare is a shurbury in play, Knights who say 'Ni' go to the graveyard.
NI! NI! NI!
Kurt Cobain - Green Summon [2G] 0/7
Cannot Attack, Cannot Block, Cannot be destoyed.
Any card hurting Kurt Cobain is Destroyed (or countered) and removed from the game
Tap to give all your Creatures +2/+2 until end of turn
Submitted by El Barto
Lord Ni! - Green Summon [3GG] 2/5
Summon Lord
Tap and controller must say "Ni!" to do three points of damage to target player. Target player can counter by providing one shrubbery.
The ruthless Knights of Ni were known for their cruelty... and weakness for shrubberies.
Submitted by Ken Folsom
Mother Nature - Green Summon [GGGGGGGGGG] 1/1
You gain control of all lands in play. When a new land is put in play you must sacrifice one of your lands. All non-land sources of mana are destroyed and buried once Mother Nature is cast. Mother Nature may not be the target of spells
Submitted by P.J. Magnuson
Puffball - Green Summon [G] 1/1
X: Pay X mana to give Puffball +15/+15 until end of turn, where X is all of your available mana. Use this ability only when you are attacking or blocking.
Submitted by Corey Narsted
The Raging Bunny - Green Summon [3 Colorless, G] 5/3
During upkeep put a Malicious counter on Bunny. Remove X counters to do X damage to any target.
What's up duck?
Submitted by Boris Kroner
The Really Big Tree - Green Summon [7GGGG] 11/1
Creature can not be target of spell or effects. The Really Big Tree can not attack and can only block on alternate blue moons that occur on Tuesdays in leap years or at the start of a new melenium. (Barring, of course, Tuesday's that do not contain a major national holiday.)
"All I can say is that its bark was worse than its bite." - Elvis (3/16/93)
Submitted by Moira Weiner
Shivan Vampire Wombat of Keldon - Green Summon [G] 1/1
Sacrifice a land when SVWoK comes into play. Remove SVWoK from game if it leaves play for any reason.
Submitted by Brian Connors
Splat - Green Interrupt [1G]
Choose target creature under your control. Drop that creature from two feet. Any cards touched by this creature are buried. Bury the targeted creature.
Submitted by Julian Milner
Tree - Green Interrupt [GG]
Stop trample damage.
Submitted by Julian Milner
Wall of Grass - Green Summon Wall [G] 0/1
Can't be declared as a blocking creature.
Submitted by James Mulligan
Whatchumacallit - Green Summon [2G] 2/2
Whenever any player asks what the Whatchumacallit is or asks to see the card, Whatchumacallit deals 2 damage to that player.
If you don't know what it is, you don't want to know.
Submitted by Corey Adams

RED

Arabian Knight - Red Summon [1 Colorless, RRR] 1/2
Throw Arabian Knight at opponent. If Arabian Knight hits opponent, it does 3 damage to opponent. If it misses, it does 3 damage to you.
Submitted by Cole Bozman
Boggy Gan - Red Summon [6RRRRRRR] 1+*/1+*
5 : Regenerate (at any turn ) With A +2/+2 counter
1 : Cannot be target of spells by all opponents
2 : Change color to red,blue,white,green,black
5 : Bring back to play even if buried
It Just keeps coming back , arggggghhhhh -Bogster of Lordaron
Submitted by Lyndon
The Brain - Red Summon [2R] 0/2
Tap : Take over the world
I am a small laberatory mouse involved in a complex plot to take over the world - the Brain
Submitted by James Callicott
The Bully - Red Instant [RRR]
When The Bully is cast, caster has the right to beat the crap out of all opponents and take whatever the heck he feels like. Can be countered with a donation of $10 to caster of THE BULLY
Submitted by Aragon
Chaotic Vortex - Red Sorcery [5R]
Every turn Chaotic Vortex is in play it does 1 damage to all players and creatures.
A player may pay 1 life to add a calming counter to Chaotic Vortex. If Chaotic Vortex has 20 calming counters it is destroyed.
Submitted by Sam Schreiber
Destruction - Red Sorcery [4RRR]
Destruction destroy all lands and deals 3 damage to all creatures and players exept the caster
Submitted by Jonathan R. Gibson
Dragon Droppings - Red Instant [(X)1R]
Tap X target attacking creatures, creatures deal no damage this turn.
It Happens... - Forrest Gump
Submitted by Robert Fazekas
Duke Nuk'em - Red Summon [8R] 5/7
Tap Duke to take control of any card in apponents library.
If Duke takes damage, grab opponent by the ears and slam his head against the table as many times as the amount of dammage Duke took.
If apponent does something you hate tap Duke to swear uncontrolably.
If apponent has more creatures out than you at any time in the game, yell out "Suck on this" then light every card apponent owns on fire then urinate on the ashes, then laugh in his/her face.
YOUR GONNA DIE FOR THAT - Duke Nuk'em
Submitted by Allan Brasseur
Dwarven Spirits Aftermath - Red Sorcery [2R]
target player loses next turn.
"The dwarves have a potent spirit which they drink in copious amounts, but very dangerous to anyone else. As most have found out the next morning"
Submitted by nigel coutts
Famine - Red Sorcery [2RR]
When Famine is cast controller of Famine is allowed to eat all of target opponents lands in play at the time and you gain one life for every successfuly eaten land.
"I'm so hungry!" "Stay away from my lands you pig!"
Submitted by The Creaters of "The Rock"
Feat of Strength - Red Instant [0]
Tap the table to make a REALLY big mess.
Submitted by Adam Cochran
The Flasher - Red Summon [4RRRR] 2/2
When the Flasher comes into play, all blue creatures are destroyed for fear of, well. . .guess.
RRR: Flasher flashes target creature. Put a horror token on that creature. That creature does not deal damage for as long as the horror token is on it.
RRRRRRR: Flasher takes off all clothes and runs around naked, killing all creatures except for artifact creatures. It is then hit by a car and dies. If the Flasher is destroyed, remove all flash tokens from all of the affected creatures.
OH DEAR!--Bertha, Illiterate Geezer
Submitted by Darrell Forbes
Flying Camel - Red Summon [6RR] 5/4
Flying.
When Flying Camel comes into play, put five dung counters on it. Remove one dung counter to put a -6/-0 counter on a creature. If a Fireball is cast the round that a counter is used, destroy all creatures in play. Flying Camel is not destroyed by this effect.
Submitted by Darrell Forbes
Goblin Drapes - Red Enchant Land [2 Colorless, R]
Enchanted land will only provide 1 colorless mana when tapped.
The drab Goblin drapes will drain the color from anything.
Submitted by Cole Bozman
Goblin Goreharvest - Red Interrupt [R]
Takes all goblins in your graveyard out of play.Give all your creatures a +0/+* counter.* is how many goblins were removed from play.
Submitted by Sam Schreiber
Increasing Market Value - Red Interrupt [5RR]
Can only be played on Moxes. Rip target Mox into at least 20 pieces, effect cannot be countered.
"I watched in glee as the cloister value of my cards jumped .001%" - Amethyst the Magic Trader
Submitted by Eric Summers
Inferno Flash - Red Instant [R]
A creatures blocking or blocked by target creature are killed and do no damage.White and green creatures blocking or blocked by target creature cannot regenerate and are placed out of the game.
Submitted by Sam Screiber
Mark Bane - Red Sorcery [R]
Bury target opponent named Mark. This card has no effect if your opponent has any other name.
Submitted by Greg Lohman
Martial Master - Red Summon [0] 2/2
Tap to lose game. Upon losing the game, the opponent is forced to pay for martial arts lessons of your choice till you get the highest ranking in that field. After learning this martial art kill your opponent. effects to redirect are pointless because after all this guy is a martial master.
Submitted by Chris Sinsabaugh
Menendez Brothers - Red Sorcery [RR]
When cast,Menendez Brothers deals an amount of damage to opponent equal to the sum of all of the powers of all of his/her creatures.
Submitted by Jeremy Rahe
Mind Vortex - Red Instant [RRR]
Mix all creatures in play together and all the lands together in two piles and flip a coin.If it comes up heads,keep the pile of creatures and give your opponent the pile of lands.If it comes up tails,keep the lands and give your opponent all the creatures.
Submitted by Sam Schreiber
Nuclear Blast - Red Instant [X Colorless, R]
Deal XXXXXX damage to any number of target players and creatures.
Nuclear Blast may not be the target of spells or effects. Effects that prevent or redirect damage may not be used to counter this loss of life.
Submitted by Corey Narsted
Orcish Moron - Red Summon [0] */*
Is Unblockable
Power & toughness equal to combined total of opponent(s) life.
Comes into play tapped. Does not untap as normal during controler's untap phase
Tap to untap
Submitted by Chris Sinsabaugh
The Pest - Red Enchantment [0]
When the pest comes into play, the controller of the pest gets to pinch each opposing player. On any other turn tap the Pest to scream into target player's ear until he goes deaf. Sacrifice the Pest to force target player watch 10 straight hours of Barney reruns.
Submitted by Chris
Smoking Pot - Red Instant [2RR]
Target creature thinks it gains flying until the end of turn
Submitted by R.J. Dallinger
Tempest - Red Enchant World [1R]
All creatures lose 'protection from...' ability
This card may not be the target of white spells or effects.
...May you be devoured by your own worst fears. - Lady Chatzuk
Submitted by Joe Ganis
Tie on the doorknob - Red Instant [RR]
Play before target player's upkeep.
That player may not tap any cards they control for that turn.
Submitted by Michael Hilburg
Usenet Troll - Red Summon [1R] 0/2
Usenet Troll can be targeted by effects that target SPAM. Usenet Troll takes no damage from creatures. Force target creature to attack Usenet Troll. Force target creature to block attacking Usenet Troll.
Playing Magic leads to Devil Worship--UNIX is dead--Windows 95 is taking over.
Submitted by George Ruban
Warp Revenge - Red Enchant Land [X RRRRR]
Land enchanted now cannot be tapped for mana and has an upkeep of X that must be payed or owner of land loses X creatures and is dealt X damage.
Submitted by Sam Schreiber

WHITE

Angelic Vampire of The Light - White Summon [3WW] 5/3
Flying
Upkeep : Sacrifice a creature and discard a card at random, or bury Vampire.
Tap : Destroy a black creature. At the end of any turn bury Vampire of the light.
If a black or red creature goes to the graveyard during a turn in which Vampire of the light damaged it Vampire gets +1/+2. If a green or blue creature goes to the graveyard during a turn in which vampire damaged it, vampire gets -1/-0
All white angels get +0/+1 and do not tap when attacking.
If vampire kills another vampire, gain control of that vampire.
"Some angels can be tainted, but are always brought back to the light; maybe not as pure as before though!"
Submitted by Doug Kettler
Ashisms - White Enchantment [2 Colorless, WWW]
All white creatures gain +0/+3 and protection from black. Any white creature with an upkeep higher than 1 is reduced to 1 white. All white creatures now have a one white upkeep.
Submitted by Sam Stein
Arctic Rabbit - White Summon [5WWWW] 3/11
5W,3G : Arctic Rabbit gains rabies. This gives it +12/-1, Rampage:10, First strike, and Trample.
Sacrifice Arctic Rabbit to gain 5 life.
X W : Arctic Rabbit deals X unblockable damage to all black or red player.
I thought the cute thing was harmless, until....
Submitted by Kevin
Betcha can't eat just one - White Enchant World [W]
Upon casting, place a bag of chips on the table. All players eat one chip. After that, for every chip a player eats, they lose 1 life.
Submitted by David Schultz
Bob - White Summon [0] 0/1
Cannot be blocked by any creature. May only be tapped by controller. Not affected by Icy Manipulator, Maze of Ith, Ice Flow, etc. May not be the target of any spell.
Tap : Allows caster to stick hands in ears with fingers spread and wiggle while saying "nah, nah, nah, nah, nah" at target player.
"Oh, it's you Bob!"
Submitted by Jamie Powell-Herbold
Burden Carrier - White Summon [2 Colorless, WW] 2/2
Any spell that can target Burden Carrier, does. Each time a spell is targeted at Burden Carrier, put a +1/+1 counter on the Carrier.
Responsibility was the measure of his great heroism. It is also the first word on his tombstone. --Shennalla, Serra High Priestess
Submitted by Andy Ng
The Energizer Bunny - White Summon [WWWWWWWWW] 1/1
Plainswalk.
Energizer Bunny cannot be destroyed by any creature, artifact creature, enchantment, or artifact by any method whatsoever. Summoning cannot be countered.
W, Tap : Destroy all swamps and mana batteries.
Just look at what it did to Darth Vader and Boris and Natasha. . .
Submitted by Rossi Zimmerman
Harekare - White Sorcery [X, WW]
Sacrifice X creatures that you control and gain life equal to the sum of the creatures' toughness.
Your sacrifice shall bring forth our ultimate victory. Remember, honor is everything. --Kantashi, General of the Crane Elite
Submitted by Andy Ng
Hypnotist - White Summon [WW] 5/9
Protection from black.
Tap : Take control of target creature.
Sacrifice a creature you control to put a +1/+1 counter on a creature you control.
Submitted by Corey Narsted
John Travolta - White Summon [3WWW] 1/7
Summon Disco-Dancer
Protection from Black
WWW : Tap to add one disco counter
Tap : Remove X disco counters. Removes X/2 black creatures from game.
WWWW : Sacrifice John Travolta to remove all black cards and swamps in play from game.
Submitted by Carl Wonders
Leah, Valkyrie Princess - White Summon Legend [10WWW] 7/9
1 : Permanent +5/+5 to any Creature
2 : Destroy any Red or Black Card in Play
3 : Search Your Deck for a creature or artifact and put it directly into Play
4 : Hey, Let her Do anything She wants!
Cannot Be The target of spells or Effects or untarged spells or efeccts
"Aren't I The Best Thing That Ever Happened?" - Princess Leah
Submitted by Anonymous
Loraina Bobbit - White Summon [5W] 0/1
Tap Bobbit to bury all cards with pictures of male creatures. If it is unknown what the creatures sex is, bury it.
Tap Bobbit to make target player cringe in pain and lose a turn.
Oh my, Was that attached? - Loraina Bobbit
Submitted by Anonymous
The Mighty Mouse - White Summon [WWW] 0/5
Tap to look at inane--albeit funny--jokes about Magic:The Gathering.
Submitted by DaBeast
Responsibility - White Enchantment [WWW]
Creature responsibility enchants gains +1/+2 every time you damage the opponent and loses -1/-2 whenever the opponent damages you. Pay WW during Upkeep or destory responsibility and put a +1/-1 counter on creature it enchants.
The good thing about being responsible is that when you win it's always your fault.The bad thing is when you lose it's always because of you! - Long-Lost Scroll of Power
Submitted by Sam Schreiber
RPG Players - White Summon [2 colorless, W] 0/3
2W, Tap : Tap CCG players to turn taget creature into a white 0/4 creature with the ablilty to turn another creature into an CCG player,with all the abilities of the first CCG player.
Tap : Target creatur of toughness 4 or less is tapped as long as the CCG players ar tapped,cannot affect another CCG player. Cannot be tapped by any other CCG players effects,unless given permisson by creatures owner.
Infamous for spreading RPGs,they are regarded as nerds,til'they show you one,soon after that,you ARE one,insididous - Andrew Patterson,former CCG mocker,current CCG player
Submitted by Andrew Patterson
School Wimp - White Summon [1W] 1/1
Trample. If assigned to block,School Wimp is ripped up and thrown away because it's a really bad card and has a stupid idea.
Don't hit me! Pleeeeeeeeeeassssssssssssse! I'll tell my mommy on you--School Wimp
Submitted by Matt Dubno
Security - White Summon [WWW] 2/2
Sacrifice Security to regenerate target creature.
Security Ensigns are familiar for protecting others with no regard for their own well-being.
Submitted by Cole Bozman
Soul Caretaker - White Summon [5WWWWW] 3/3
Summon Avatar
Protection from black
X colorless, Tap : Pay X to take a creature from your graveyard and place it under Soul Caretaker. Where X is the target creatures casting cost. Soul Caretaker also receives damage equal to the creatures casting cost.
Sacrifice Soul Caretaker to bring all creatures under soul caretaker into play. Remove Soul Caretaker from the game.
"... and the old man fought off the demons and brought me back to life."
Submitted by Eric Lefebvre
Sportsfan - White Summon [2WW] 2/2
Tap Sportsfan to deal one damage any player.
May only be tapped if Stadium is in play.
Submitted by Michael Hilburg
Uphoria - White Enchantment [2WW]
put 5 peace counters on Uphoria when brought into play. Any player may pay 3 life to remove one peace counter. Remove a peace counter during each of your upkeeps. When there are no peace counters on Uphoria, remove it from play.
As long as Uphoria is in play, no player may declare an attack
"The river was so beautiful, I thought I'd invite the nearest Orc to join me in fishing" - Dwarven Soldier, memoirs
Submitted by Arron Hancock
Word Problem - White Instant [XWW]
Ask opposing controller to solve a mathematical word problem, failure to do so results in X damage to controller.
If it takes Bob five hours to mow the lawn and Tim three hours to mow the lawn, how long does it take them together?
Yslamiri - White Enchant Creature [0]
This card is a white spell when cast and a white permanent.
Target Creature Yslamiri enchants gains Protection from the Force.
Submitted by David Weiss

MISCELLANEOUS

Were-Player - Enchant World [?? casting cost]
All players are now considered */* creatures where * equals that player's life. Players can now attack or block as a normal creature. Any player may pay half his life to destroy Were-Player. A player may sacrifice two creatures or three land to gain 5 life.
Submitted by Phil


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