Just a little something D'Avanzo and I cooked up in our spare time-- this should solve a LOT of problems we've been having in debates lately.
You Are Wrong Because:
For your convenience, I have circled the brain malfunction(s) that most closely resemble(s) the one(s) you recently made on the topic of (fill in topic): __________________________
1. AMAZINGLY BAD ANALOGY
Example: Playing the Keeper mirror is like being in the Matrix and dueling with Zorro in your underwear.
2. FAULTY CAUSE AND EFFECT
Example: Keeper only wins because so many people play it.
3. I AM THE WORLD
Example: In my local card shop, everyone plays fat green creatures and straight burn. Therefore, decks like Keeper and combo only exist online because no one has the cards in real life.
4. IGNORING EVERYTHING SCIENCE KNOWS ABOUT THE BRAIN
Example: Your personal style means nothing. Just play a net deck.
5. THE FEW ARE THE SAME AS THE WHOLE
Example: Michelle Bush is a woman. Michelle Bush plays a lot of Magic. Women must play a lot of Magic.
6. GENERALIZING FROM SELF
Example: My R/G fatty deck beats my friend’s Keeper deck 4 in 5 games. Therefore, my deck beats Keeper 80% of the time.
7. ARGUMENT BY BIZZARE DEFINITION
Example: Aggro is not bad. It just loses to control and combo.
8. TOTAL LOGIC DISCONNECT
Example: If someone plays a Noble Panther, Keeper gets decked.
9. JUDGING THINGS WITHOUT COMPARISON TO ALTERNATIVES
Example: I run a Mox Diamond in Keeper. It’s a restricted mana producer.
10. ANYTHING YOU DON’T UNDERSTAND IS EASY TO DO
Example: Keeper isn't so hard to play. Just tutor for, and drop Abyss.
11. IGNORANCE OF STATISTICS
Example: Land Grant sucks in Stompy, even though it thins your deck, decreases the chance of drawing superfluous land, and gives you a non-creature, non-pump spell to pitch to Bounty of the Hunt.
12. IGNORING THE DOWNSIDE RISK
Example: I think Prohibit is a fine counter spell. What is someone going to do, cast Shivan Dragon?
13. SUBSTITUTING FAMOUS QUOTES FOR COMMON SENSE
Example: “There are no wrong threats” so I’ll use Ridgeback in Stompy.
14. IRRELEVANT COMPARISONS
Example: I am perfectly qualified to comment on the state of Vintage control. I play Type One every weekend with a totally illegal Necro deck.
15. CIRCULAR REASONING
Example: Brian Weissman told me understands control better than I do because he invented "The Deck," and that he was able to invent “The Deck” because he has a better understanding of control than I do.
16. INCOMPLETENESS AS PROOF OF DEFECT
Example: Keeper is no good because it loses to 4 resolved Meddling Mages and 2 Clones.
17. IGNORING THE ADVICE OF EXPERTS WITHOUT A GOOD REASON
Example: Sure, the best players on the board claim that this is why control wins, but me, I'm convinced it’s Mana Drain.
18. FOLLOWING THE ADVICE OF KNOWN IDIOTS
Example: Yamo says Keeper should run 3 Morphlings. That's good enough for me!
19. REACHING BIZZARE CONCLUSIONS WITHOUT ANY INFORMATION
Example: Keeper has stopped using as much white. I think it’s time to not run any removal in my control deck.
20. FAULTY PATTERN RECOGNITION
Example: Combo has won the last five tournaments here. I think I’ll play Sligh again.
21. FAILURE TO RECOGNIZE WHAT’S IMPORTANT
Example: My rating is over 1800, but I’ve never touched a breast and an entire city hates me.
22. UNCLEAR ON THE CONCEPT OF SUNK COSTS
Example: I’ll keep buying Pokemon cards because those little guys are bound to be popular again, and I can make the money back later.
23. OVER APPLICATION OF OCCAM’S RAZOR
Example: I would have won if the Keeper player hadn’t gotten lucky and topdecked Balance.
24. IGNORING ALL ANECDOTAL EVIDENCE
Example: I keep losing to Library of Alexandria. However, without a statistical analysis, I have no way of knowing if I need more land destruction. Therefore, I will continue to run only two Strip Mines.
25. INABILITY TO UNDERSTAND THAT SOME THINGS HAVE MULTIPLE CAUSES
Example: Control only wins because it can counter spells.
26. JUDGING THE WHOLE BY ONE OF ITS CHARACTERISTICS
Example: I hate getting my creatures countered by Force of Will. Banning Force of Will would be great for the environment.
27. BLINDING FLASHES OF THE OBVIOUS
Example: If Wizards reprinted the Power Nine, more people would play Vintage.
28. BLAMING THE TOOL
Example: I bought all the cards to play Keeper, but I still lose. Keeper must be dead.
29. HALLUCINATIONS OF REALITY
Example: White Weenie is a perfectly viable Tier One deck.
30. TAKING THINGS TO THEIR ILLOGICAL CONCLUSIONS
Example: Academy needs another draw 7. Let's run Diminishing Returns!
31. FAILURE TO UNDERSTAND WHY RULES DON’T HAVE EXCEPTIONS
Example: I can run only 25 mana sources in my Keeper deck if I use more basic land.
32. PROOF BY LACK OF EVIDENCE
Example: I haven’t played in years, but I’m sure I don’t need an Edict and Moat is still a main deck card.
Who is Michelle Bush?
Oh my god.
Funny as hell.
I hope people get pissed off and reply to this by the legion.
Michelle bush is a female magic player, famous for breaking necro and stuffing the trix combo into a creatureless necro deck and getting everything in extended banned. this has been a history lesson.
Amos
Why would ANYONE get pissed off at this? I mean it's HUMOR with absolutely NO basis in reality WHATSOEVER.
Michelle Bush= One of simply the most ugliest girls known to man, yet since she plays magic shes desireable to most and calls her self the 'Magic Diva' or some shit.
Shes incidentally the (ex?)girlfriend of Darwin Kastle, the mother of trix, and a your move games person.
speaking of plagiarism, you ripped all the ALL CAPS titles from scott adams (author of dilbert) without giving him any credit (I believe they appeared in The Joy of Work). You thief!
Oops, I credited Adams in some emails but on on BD-- yes, that was the exact list we were working from.
Quote:Why would ANYONE get pissed off at this? I mean it's HUMOR with absolutely NO basis in reality WHATSOEVER.
Quote:
8. TOTAL LOGIC DISCONNECT
Example: If someone plays a Noble Panther, Keeper gets decked.
10. ANYTHING YOU DON’T UNDERSTAND IS EASY TO DO
Example: Keeper isn't so hard to play. Just tutor for, and drop Abyss.
Duh, Yamo already proved there's no such thing as plagiarism in the other thread.
Hey, I got lucky 13!!!
13. SUBSTITUTING FAMOUS QUOTES FOR COMMON SENSE
Example: “There are no wrong threats” so I’ll use Ridgeback in Stompy.
If I had no sense of humour I'd point out that a wrong threat (or non-threat) could be defined as a threat that just sits around looking like an enchantment waiting for the opponent to be kind enough to change it into something worthwhile.
Go Ridgebacks!! (And they do! After a couple of turns.....)
Couldn't we take the piss out of Vine Dryad here?
You missed one
33. TRUST US
Example. Doomsday deck
That was like 8 months ago. Get over it.
That's also an imperative statement, not an action like all the other points. Please proofread.
Really, guys, come on. The only people that should be upset about it are the bandwagon-jumping fools that fell for it and immediately started posting stories of turn 1-2 kills.
Quote:That was like 8 months ago. Get over it.
Oh, I've got another:
34. THINKING LIFE IS FAIR
Example: With only 10 land in this deck, I'll never draw more than 8 of them!
"Yamo says Keeper should run 3 Morphlings. That's good enough for me!"
You might want to talk to whoever it was who posted the (first place) tournament report recently. Not only did he play a tri-Morph Keeper, but he specifically credited the decision to go to three for a good portion of his success.
The proof is in the pudding, after all.
This may make you guilty at least in part of your own #24 (ignoring anecdotal evidence).
You might want to consider adding:
33. MINDLESS APPEALS TO TRADITION OR CONSENSUS AS A SUBSTITUTE FOR CRITICAL THINKING
"Keeper has always run one or two Morphlings, therefore Keeper should never, under any circumstances, run more than two Morphlings."
Also, your example for "faulty cause and effect" may be in error if it is also intended to refer to comments I've made.
"Keeper only wins because so many people play it."
I never said anything of the sort. What I said was that Keeper is not GOOD because so many play it, it's good because it's good. It is, however, considered the BEST DECK PERIOD for this reason. If as many played another great deck (like rOSE, for example) it's a sure bet that popular opinion would swifty shift to indicate that rOSE was not only a good deck, but the best deck. The fact is that both are tier one and the illusion that one is BETTER than the other is just that, an illusion fostered by sheer numbers (more Keepers played = more Keeper wins when compared to the rarer rOSE). Both are, in fact, on equal footing.
Oh, another example. Gee, one Red Blast, one Mis-D, and one FoW should be enough to stop Mikey P's first turn Ancestral.
"Keeper only wins because so many people play it."
>>>I never said anything of the sort.
Gee, I guess you're one of those people who just think everything is always about you, huh. Do you also think the government is conspiring against you? I'll also have you know the Yamo in #18 was not you, but my uncle Yamo. So don't you feel silly now.
"Gee, I guess you're one of those people who just think everything is always about you, huh. Do you also think the government is conspiring against you? I'll also have you know the Yamo in #18 was not you, but my uncle Yamo. So don't you feel silly now."
Actually, it was because I said something very similar (replace "wins" with "is considered the best deck") earlier today, so I thought Az might have misread me by mistake.
If someone ever tried to make a case that it wasn't good at all, I sure missed it. That would have been a funny thread.
I met his uncle once. The guy is a fucking asshole.
True that.
Sylvester, posting for nimrod:
"Keeper has ALWAYS run one or two Morphlings, therefore Keeper should never, under any circumstances, run more than two Morphlings."
Yeah, when me and Random Miser desingned keeper back on, hmm 1999 when morphling appeared we decided no more than 2 Morphs should be used.. that's of course, considering Keeper has ALWAYS played with 2 Morphs as main win conditions..
OSE and Keeper get equal win numbers when facing each other when the players are Matt D'avanzo and Darren diBatista, great control players, I havent got the chance to play OSE as much as I would like, but, I feel that currently Keeper is slightly better then OSE (tough I like OSE the best), and that might just be beacause few people plays it, this should cause a deck to be better NOT by statistical numbers, but because when many people play the same deck,
any other change, are greatly increased, many many people plays Keeper, and this causes Keeper to be better because more ppl tweak with it.
After all, you dun say SuiBlack is better than OSE or Keeper beacause SuiBlack beats them often.
OMG thats hilarious. Obviously though number 21. is the best. I mean how many of you out there have never touched a breast LMAO
"Why would ANYONE get pissed off at this? I mean it's HUMOR with absolutely NO basis in reality WHATSOEVER. " - that statement is pure humor in and of itself - for anyone who's read the Stompy thread with FBI, Kirdape, Matt, and Az, I think 30 out of 32 of those points get hit...
I don't know if anyone reads Bill Simmon's articles on espn.com (he's The Sports Guy), but this whole site ends up rating a 9 out of 10 on the Unintentional Comedy Scale....
I'm kinda pissed off that Rakso deleted the original Noble Panther post. That was classic.
Dante: Shit, which 2 did we miss?
I've touched many a breast. In fact, it's probably why my rating is so low. Damn breast-touching...takes up so much time...
Quote:Michelle Bush= One of simply the most ugliest girls known to man, yet since she plays magic shes desireable to most and calls her self the 'Magic Diva' or some shit.
Quote:33. TRUST US
Example. Doomsday deck
Quote:"Yamo says Keeper should run 3 Morphlings. That's good enough for me!"
You might want to talk to whoever it was who posted the (first place) tournament report recently. Not only did he play a tri-Morph Keeper, but he specifically credited the decision to go to three for a good portion of his success.
The proof is in the pudding, after all.
Quote:33. MINDLESS APPEALS TO TRADITION OR CONSENSUS AS A SUBSTITUTE FOR CRITICAL THINKING
"Keeper has always run one or two Morphlings, therefore Keeper should never, under any circumstances, run more than two Morphlings."
Quote:I'm kinda pissed off that Rakso deleted the original Noble Panther post. That was classic.
Personally I see #7 the most on here and #28 most in real life.
Rakso, it's the post that made JP stop coming here regularly. Some guy posted on a thread discussing a keeper deck, "Look, Keeper sucks, because if someone plays a Noble PAnther it gets decked." AND HE WAS SERIOUS!!! I am STILL trying to figure that one out.
OMG!!! I just about busted a gut reading this!!! Does #32 apply to me specifically, or are there other dinosaurs about?
My favourite, though, is #21. :-)
Thanks for an amazingly good, extended, almost-to-the-point-of-asphyxiation laugh!
A masterly summary, if I may say so.
#21: Hands up (from wherever you've got them) those who have *no* rating...!
Dozer
Personally, I attribute my 1840-something rating to being a devout leg-man.
TRUST US
Azhrei said
'That's also an imperative statement, not an action like all the other points. Please proofread.
For your convenience, I have circled the brain malfunction(s) that most closely resemble(s) the one(s) you recently
made on the topic of (fill in topic):'
So now brain malfunctions must be actions? Appealing for anyone to trust the authors of the hilarious Doomsday caper must surely count as a brain malfunction.
Otherwise relatively funny..... especially considering the authors.
Well, I have no rating, and I honestly also beleive it is due to my leg and breast touching. If only I had a third or fourth hand. The ageless question, Magic or Girlfriend, will there ever be a resolution? May God help us all.
Silly SerraCollector, the answer to that question is both!
yep, that about covers it...I only have one question: why do almost all the examples refer to Keeper?
It's the best deck, we're most familiar with it, and people make the most mistakes talking about it.
is #32 in any way a shot at Weissman?
You guys are heartless bastards!
nah, you guys got hearts... bastards
-Freddie
I really expected more of them to be shots at me. Right now, I'd feel bad digging them, given the dearth of quality material they put up here.
I mean, it would have to actually be...I dunno...accurate (or at least funny)...for me to take any great umbrage. Originality also counts for something guys. Just ask Rakso what he thinks about InQuests Keeper deck...
Weissman still uses (or used up till recently) Moat maindeck?!
um, i think the part of "i do not need edict"
is his, plus he took out abyss maindeck and SB... i think he runs moat sb and only STP and balance for further creature kill.
-Freddie