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It was dark. The darkness existed not just outside, where no
moon illuminated the starless night sky, but also within the sick tent
where Tanja lay. No candle flickered, no magical fire burned, and the
fabric of the tent stole what little light there was from outside.
Within Tanja’s bed, the darkness was amplified once again. She was
huddled beneath the sheets, shivering, and sleeping restlessly. It was
the kind of sleep where you feel more tire upon awakening. The kind of
sleep where a person could get quite a bit of thinking done, and then
forget that she had thought at all. Within Tanja’s mind, such thoughts
were forming now.
The images of the storm flowed through her unconsciousness,
images she had locked away a long time ago. That night when the ice fell
from the sky in shards as large around as a man’s head. Frightened then
as she was now, Tanja had leapt from her bed and ran outside. She was
only fifteen, she told herself whenever it crossed her conscious mind,
of course I thought only of myself. She had not been alone that night,
however. Her parents slept in the next room, and her younger brother had
been curled up in his bed across the room from Tanja. She remembered
falling once, and then again, and then never rising.
It was much later that she was awakened by several healers in
white robes. It was her first memory of what she considered her new
life; a life without a family, a life she had dedicated to travelling
with those healers. Yes, her brother had initially survived, but he was
not long for this world. He never regained his physical capacities, and
died quietly in his sick bed.
Tanja awoke, sweaty and pale. It had been only one bad dream,
one incident of her life whe did not wish to remember. The thought of
thousands more, layered one after another like dominoes, each falling
and leading her into another, brought tears to her eyes. In her village
the cause of the problem was obvious enough. But what if it hadn’t been
so clear? Would Vera have put that tiny, scared fifteen year old girl
through that pain? “No!” she cried, the tears flowing faster.
Her mind had flowed in a circle ever since Vera had admitted to
the atrocities. All Tanja could think about was how it was possible, how
far Vera could go, and whether she was willing to go to those dark
places with her mentor.
As much as she wanted to talk to someone, she knew that would
only make it worse. Her world was limited to Dioren, who spoke of
nothing but Vera when he spoke at all, and Vera, who occasionally came
in to bring food. The elderly healer, however, repulsed Tanja, and the
feeling was more than mutual.
This thought was interrupted by it’s subject. Vera walked in the
door, but carried with her no food. Try as she might, Tanja couldn’t
meet her gaze.
“Look at me!” Vera commanded. The old woman did not deal well
with insubordinance. Reluctantly, Tanja turned to face the woman she had
once respected so much. Surprisingly, she didn’t feel the bile rising in
her throat as it tended to do when Vera was around. Instead, she knew
instantly that something was wrong.
“We’re leaving. You better be able to walk, ‘cause you’ll be
doing plenty of it.”
“Leaving? Why?”
“Don’t question me! Get up and get dressed. You’ve been lying
around for a week.”
“What about Dioren? Is it safe to move him?”
“Dioren is staying here.”
“But he has no one. There is nothing here for him. And he is
sick!” The familiar revulsion was back.
“And he’ll always be sick. We’ve wasted too much time here
already. There are a thousand other cities like this one, with a
thousand inhabitants like Dioren. You’ll forget him.”
“I don’t want to forget him.”
“You’ll have to.” It was Dioren that spoke now.
“Stay out of this,” commanded Vera.
“The girl deserves guidance in this matter. It won’t hurt for
her to understand why she must leave. Her life is more than just taking
your orders.”
All this talking as if she weren’t there was getting to Vera.
“What? What is going on? Someone speak to me!”
Vera turned to her with anger in her eyes. “Silence, you selfish
little girl! I am telling you that we must leave here now. Do not
question me, and do not listen to the mage. Let’s go!”
“Go, Tanja, but do not go blindly. Never follow blindly. Learn,
think, and choose. Tell her, Vera.”
“She does not need to know. I will not tell her, nor will you.”
“I wouldn’t dream of telling her. She would not believe it from
me anyway. No, Vera, only you may tell her.”
“Tell me what?!”
“Now, Tanja.” Vera had not lost her temper, but the ice beneath
her words was perhaps scarier to Tanja.
For the first time, the young girl looked over at Dioren. His
face was pale and drawn, and there was a look of genuine concern for
her. Something in his look suggested to her the course of action she
should take. “I am not leaving until you explain this to me.” Despite
her greatest efforts to sound convinced, Tanja was sure the lack of
conviction in her voice was clear to both of those in the room with her.
“Then you will stay here with the mage until his body rots away.
Then may yours meet the same fate, and may both of your souls rot
forever in hell!” Vera stormed out of the tent. Cursing to herself, and
shouting at the other healers and servants.
Tanja turned to Dioren, determined to get some answers. However,
he beat her to the punch. “It is scary when that happens isn’t it?”
“When what happens. What?” However, the mage was asleep,
exhausted from the strain of his mental battle with Vera.
It was several hours later, hours that Tanja had spent worrying
and wondering, before Eledan entered the tent. His hick frame was
covered in sweat, and he shook with every breath he took. “Milady Tanja,
I have come to ask that you give up this foolishness and come with us.
There are many others who could use your help. We are not all like Vera.
If you come now, perhaps you will be her successor, you could lead us as
you see fit.”
Hoever, if Tanja had not been set in her desire before, her
hours of thought had done so. With a voice that was at once thick with
uncertainty and with conviction, she answered him, “I don’t wish to
succeed her, nor do I know how I see fit to lead. All I am sure of is
that until someone tells me what is going on, I am not leaving this
town.”
“So she truly did not tell you? She refused to discuss this
matter with me, but I did not think she would tell you.”
“So you know?”
“Of course. But I cannot tell you.”
“Then leave.”
“Tanja, your harsh words hurt me-”
“Leave!” she interrupted him.
“Very well. He bowed, and turned to go. Then, he stopped and
looked back, for a moment his air of properness broken. “Goodbye,
Tanja.” He turned again, and left.
Tanja fell asleep to the noise of the healer’s caravan
departing, quiet in comparison to the veritable storm raging within her
head.