The Magic Joke Collection : You know you've been playing..

The Magic Joke Collection : You know you've been playing too much Magic when..

Submit a joke!

Note : Any joke with profanity, racism, discrimination, etc., will be disintegrated, incinerated, counterspelled, spell-blasted, fire balled, etc...

ALSO : It may take up to two weeks for your joke to appear.... please be patient, and visit often! :^)

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You know you've been playing too much Magic when...

1 : You make a web page about playing too much Magic...
Innate Mak

2 : When you find yourself submitting inane jokes about magic to pages with the title.
Hierophant

3 : When you find yourself checking that same page the very next day to see if your joke got published.
Hierophant

4 : You know you have been playing too long when the Sun comes up.
Eric Kennedy

5 : You know you have been playing Magic too long when you find a thallid growing under your toenail.
Jason Aycock

6 : You refer to a baby tree as a "saproling". Michael Wolfe

7 : When you find yourself strangely attracted to Ramirez DiPietro of the Cuombajj Withces. Mickey Blake

8 : You wonder what Amrou Kithkin's phone number is. anonymous

9 : When you threaten someone with "Don't make me lightning bolt you!" anonymous

10 : When you order a Chef's Thallid instead of a Chef's Salad. Cole Bozman

11 : At the dinner table when someone asks you for a Fork you say no, I need it for my red deck. Aragon

12 : During a Science class discussion your teacher asks you what the name of the skull is you say , Chromium, a 7/7 elder dragon. Aragon

13 : When you watch the little mermaid you wonder where the War Barges and Merfolk Assasins are. Aragon

14 : On BBS's you find yourself choosing MISHRA as a nickname Aragon

15 : When you get in trouble with your parents you say, "I'll just fog them" Aragon

16 : When you get home during spring break and you don't unpack for a week because you're too busy playing magic. Aragon

17 : While reading "The Hobbit" all you can think of is how cool Smaug would be on a Magic card Aragon

18 : You name your fish Urza and Mishra Aragon

19 : You refer to moves in chess as "tapping." HatTrick

20 : When you name your orcs/elves/thallids, etc. Kazakah the Mighty Sneeze

21 : When you get in a fight, point and yell lightning bolt... and are amazed when nothing happens Lance Druger

22 : When you want to ask your friend if he wants to hang out on Friday night and all you can say is, "Done!" Phil

23 : When someone asks you for money and you say "Can't, I'm all tapped out." Adric James MacAndrew

24 : When you finish any chore you tap the table and say "Done" Annie Somerson

25 : When you refer to the judge as the Hand of justice. Heroin

26 : You start making up corny jokes about it. Alexander Goedicke

27 : You wonder if Santa Claus uses Arcum's Sleigh. Alexander Goedicke

28 : You wish you were going out with Fire Elemental. Alexander Goedicke

29 : You decide you need to tap your girlfriend to activate her special abilities. Alexander Goedicke

30 : When you try tapping your Over Power cards, You call a "full moon" a Bad Moon. Craig Hampton

31 : You play too much magic when you are getting beat up you wonder where your Force of Nature is. Anonymous

32 : You can no longer afford your drug habit. Anonymous

33 : WHEN YOU BEGIN TO SEE RICHARD GARFIELD AS A GOD PARANO

34 : When you think on playing Armageddon when your parents tell you to clean your room Oscar Balcazar

35 : When you try making nicknames for all you friends from magic cards on there appearances. Greebo

36 : You know you've been playing Magic too much when you have a fever and believe you are suffering from Mana Burn. Uvatha

37 : Your friends consider you to be on card crack Fean

38 : When someone tells you to get a life and you ask, "how much mana will that cost?"

39 : When you stop at a red light and try to Sleight of Mind it green. Ragnarok

40 : You go out in the garden to pick Black Lotuses. The Incredible Mr.Thrull

41 : When you carry them arond EVERYWARE you go and break into hives when someone says thay say thay don`t want to play. Rachel Miller

42 : When you are playing a normal card game and you try to tap them. andy kidwell

43 : When you get beat up and try to drink blessed wine andy kidwell

44 : When somebody is attaking you, you try to create a CoP. Purpl Tentacl

45 : You try to feed your little brother to the Lord of the Pit Jerry Ussery

46 : You take up Satan worshiping because you want three black mana Jerry Ussery

47 : You are afraid to eat eggs for breakfast because you are afraid they might be baby Rukhs. Jerry Ussery

48 : You try to clean your room by casting Hurkyls Recall. Jerry Ussery

49 : You mow your lawn every day to keep Thallids away. Jerry Ussery

50 : You think that Gaea's Liege looks like your grandfather. Jerry Ussery

51 : You build bird houses for Whipporwills. Jerry Ussery

52 : You ALWAYS carry a counterspell. Jerry Ussery

53 : You know a guy named Urza. Jerry Ussery

54 : You send letters to Richard Garfield about how cool he is hoping he'll send you a Black Lotus Jerry Ussery

55 : When you try asking the man on the Stench of Evil card if he wants a tic-tac. Anonymous

56 : You describe your bounced check as having been counterspelled! Chris Bloom

57 : When your friend tells you his mom's jewelry got stolen, and you think "I didn't know she had moxes". Don Smith

58 : you start making theme decks based on movies Jason Wells

59 : When all your geek friends are busy, you play Magic by yourself. Kevin Schmidt

60 : When your girlfriend begs you to come to bed, and you say, "I'm busy making a new deck, leave me alone!" Kevin Schmidt

61 : You refuse to tap a keg of beer, for fear of mana burn. Kevin Schmidt

62 : You decide you need a calculator to figure out how many lands to put in your deck. Kevin Schmidt

63 : You're so desparate to get a millstone you steal one from a mill. Larz

64 : you refer to moles as goblin digging teams. levvy

65 : When You Ask Richard Garfield To Stop Beating The Crap Out Of That Damn Doll In The Black Vise Card. Scott Lindquist

66 : You give names to your decks and talk with them. Purpl Tentacl

67 : Whenever you finish a question on a test at school you tap the book. Alan Fraser

68 : You find yourself at joke 67 and are saying to yourself "why is that funny? I mean , they all happened to me and nobody laughed!" Dean DiPietro

69 : You go outside in the rain and reach for a C.O.P. blue. Dean DiPietro

70 : You decide to walk to the card store just so you have more money to buy cards. ACE Spaid

71 : :You run to the card store every day, just to see if the new expansion set has arrived. ACE Spaid

72 : You begin to classify cards by their artists. Anonymous

73 : You start every conversation with "Have I got a card combination for you!" Anonymous

74 : When you try to magical hack forrest gump into plains gump B.Zubrowski

75 : You call your girl-friend "my sweet Serra Angel" King Blind

76 : You carry a CoP red with you in Aspen, CO for fear of the Goblin Ski Patrol Kenneth Blaha

77 : When you wake up in the morning trying to cast unsummon on your alarm clock Thomas Egense

78 : Wizards of the Coast uses your tournament deck as the new Restricted List Jeff Dubin

79 : You realize that you are going to have no life, regardless of how much mana you posses AK47

80 : when you destroy an entire forest for three red mana(orcish lumberjacks) Lance Tailor

81 : You've been playin too much when: You dress up in Cosmic Horror cards for Halloween Ralph "MAGIC" Nelson

82 : You are being beaten up by a bully and try to use fear on yourself Ralph "MAGIC" Nelson

83 : It is hot outside and try to use Phantasmal Terrain to turn your town into snow-covered plains Ralph "MAGIC" Nelson

84 : You write a check on June 4th, then say to your self, "Maybe a Craw Giant would go good in my deck..." Bryon Quick

85 : when someone hurts themselves and says something like "erg", and you instinctively say "Raiders". David "Ryoga" Barney

86 : You try to impress your friends and use the Force of Nature to influence the weather. Ghostwolf

87 : When someone says "Tap water" you are found flashing your Protection from Blue. Ghostwolf

88 : You suddenly find yourself wondering how much mana you will get from tapping your own house. Ghostwolf

89 : You "summon" a date for Friday night (hopefully the artist you pick does a good job?) Ghostwolf

90 : You wonder if a "Authority Figure" (2/5) does against your "Misfit Student" (1/1)? Ghostwolf

91 : In history, the topic "Ice Age" comes up and you are the first to raise your hand and lecture the infidels on the wonderful magical place of Dominia... Ghostwolf

92 : In the same history class, you start arguing that "Ice Age" came before the "Dark" Ages and you have the deck dates to prove it... Ghostwolf

93 : You start to grow your own Black Lotus... Ghostwolf

94 : You combat your neighbors daily Stench of Evil with good deorderant... Ghostwolf

95 : When you play AD&D 2nd ed., you cheat by using mana to cast your spells... Ghostwolf

96 : You refer to family members as a "band"... Ghostwolf

97 : Folks at family gatherings need to beat you at a fair game of Magic in order for you to do anything they request (honorable system of worthyness??)... Ghostwolf

98 : People refer to you as the "Black Mage" as you pass by... Ghostwolf

99 : You sign important documents as the "Black Mage" and people will *actually* know who you are! Ghostwolf

100 : Comic book clerks will often revere to you and often give you discounts... Ghostwolf

101 : When you have a little brother who's "buried" at the beach, you cry and frantically wonder if there's some way to tap the beach into reviving him... Ghostwolf

102 : At the beach, you ask your friends if you can tap their Sandcastle when they're finished with it... Ghostwolf

103 : You start to question if mother nature has better Regenerate cards than you do... Ghostwolf

104 : When you're done with the dishes, you "Untap" "tapped water" and then put it away back into your deck... Ghostwolf

105 : You go mountain climbing, bringing along with you a deck of Red cards so that you may hopefully "power" up your creatures while playing... Ghostwolf

106 : You've been known to fill several football fields playing Magic for so long... Ghostwolf

107 : You scoff at David Copperfield when people say, "He can do Magic"... Ghostwolf

108 : When a plastic cup you decide to drink from becomes an artifact... Ghostwolf

109 : When you want to get married, you hope the guy will propose to you with an Aladdin's Ring? Ghostwolf

110 : King Arthurs "Excalibur" start to become your next coveted object of artifact... Ghostwolf

111 : You fund expeditions for people trying to unearth "Uzra's Mine"... Ghostwolf

112 : You go to church to ask God for a "Guardian Angel" to help you out in those times of need... Ghostwolf

113 : In biology, you try to convert a rat into a card... Ghostwolf

114 : You know the exact location of the fabled "Fountain of Youth" . . . in your shoe box. Ghostwolf

115 : You notice that when you play Poker, all your cards have mysteriously become Magic cards... Ghostwolf

116 : You enroll in "Tap Dancing" to learn how to use mana better... Ghostwolf

117 : You play a video game called "The Secret of Mana" just to learn more about mana... Ghostwolf

118 : You finally realize the horror that you can relate to MANY of the "You know you've been playing too much Magic when..." jokes... Ghostwolf

119 : when people start referring to you as "the weird kid with no friends but those funny cards." lex

120 : you take your ghost hounds out for a walk every night labz

121 : you're afraid to go into the desert without your camel card lex

122 : you won't put your rabid wombat into your deck because you're afraid it'll infect the other creatures lex

123 : Bertrand Lestree asks you to help him get his deck down to 60 cards. Jeff

124 : You tap and untap your pillow in your sleep. Mal Adjuster

125 : Your little brother says he has a nightmare, and you ask if you could buy it from him. Mal Adjuster

126 : You use the thallid devoirer and yell 'Thallid Shooter!' Mal Adjuster

127 : You try to get Nicol Bolis to do your homework. Mal Adjuster

128 : When you try to find a mox pearl necklace for your mom on mother's day. Beck the Enchantress

129 : When you find yourself searching maps for Dominia Beck the Enchantress

130 : When your tournament deck costs more than your house Beck the Enchantress and Mark

131 : You know you've been playing to long when you submit jokes to foolish pages like this. anonymous

132 : When your friend's pet hamster dies you wonder why she doesn't just use a Death Ward. Beck the Enchantress

133 : When you are playing Uno and you wish for a Braingeyser. Moisés Solé

134 : You start to look like the creature on your favorite card.(hopefully not the Hassan Ogress...) Yisrael Peskowitz

135 : When your friends tell you to see a shrink and you tell them you already have one in your green deck. Arrion

136 : You wish you were appointed a priest of The Order of Leitbur CompuNerd

137 : Every movie you see gives you ideas for a new deck theme. Anonymous

138 : You throw a chaos orb at people yelling "DIE"! Kilshard

139 : When you attempt to dteremine the number of individuals you can play in multi player Magic solitaire. Philosopher King

140 : When your favorite relative is Uncle Istvan! The Four Horsemen

141 : You use Tobias Andrion to clean your teeth! The Four Horsemen

142 : When you want to use Memory Lapse on your teacher so he forgets the homework assignment! The Four Horsemen

143 : You know you've been playing Magic too much when you understand all of the jokes on this page. Scott

144 : when Garfield does not mean a cat, and Tim is not just a name. Auros the Golden One

145 : when your cards are worth more than you earn in a year. Auros the Golden One

146 : when you have enough copies of those nifty cards that you don't need any proxies. Auros the Golden One

147 : When you drive by a coffee shop and see a sign reading "Cappuchino blast" you can't help thinking "counters target cappuchino being cast....." Treant

148 : You make a theme deck based on Doctor Who (let's see, 12 Regenerations....) Rabid Child

149 : You Know you have been playing magic too long when you give your girlfriend a Mox for your aniversary khisanth

150 : You read joke 123 and not only know who Bertrand Lestree is, but where he's from, what decks he uses, and what color shirt he always wears to tournaments!!! Eric

151 : When your referred to as the "Demonic Attorney" Zur

152 : You know you've been playing too much Magic when you drink Coors Light just to Tap the Rockies. Garon Niehaus

153 : You know you've been playing too much magic when in Shakespeare studies class, you recognize card quote. Dan

154 : When You Can Spend $120 On A Mox Without Wincing. Sir Tomas

155 : When You're sitting on the floor of your best friends house at four forty five in the morning having a serious conversation about what You think your own color combos would be if you were a Legend Sir Tomas

156 : you take that statistics class in order to help you build better decks. Ken Kopin

157 : you run 75 'test' games to determine if you need to add that extra forest or not. Ken Kopin

158 : you are on your third set of basic lands, having worn out the first two. Ken Kopin

159 : you and your friends all know each others decks so well, you no longer need the decks to play. Ken Kopin

160 : the local card shop calls to let you know a new expansion set is coming out, and asks if you will be reserving "Your usual?" Ken Kopin

161 : When Wizards of The Coast blames YOU when expansion sets come out late. The Disturbed One

162 : The entire World Economy colapses when you forget to go to the card store for one day. The Disturbed One

163 : When you run for president and promise "A starter deck in every home!" The Disturbed One

164 : You know you've been playing too much magic when you find these jokes funny! The Great Azerel

165 : when you tell your local comic shop owner that you are quitting magic and he commits suicide Gandalf The Grey

166 : You refer to members of the oposit sex as "Common", "Uncommon" & "Rare" dereck

167 : You keep saying "done" at bridge tourneys instead of "pass" Lester Biskupsky (BOB)

168 : You wont touch your iguanna because it looks like a Thicket Balisk Aikido

169 : You get a flat tire at night and have to break out the Mana Flares Aikido

170 : You think that the Colossus of Sardius is one of the wonders of the world Michael Trommler

171 : You go out seraching for the stream of life Michael Trommler

172 : You ask for an albaster potion when you have a cold Michael Trommler

173 : you think Fort Knox has a bottomless vault Michael Trommler

174 : you celebrate buying your 25000th card Michael Trommler

175 : you wonder how much red mana you'll get for tapping Mount Everest Michael Trommler

176 : You Know You've Been Playing Magic Too Much When: You Declare the Money You got For your Trades As Part of Your Taxable Income. The Fragman

177 : You Spend All Of your Time Making Everyday Objects Into Magic cards... (Urza's Toaster.... Mono artifact..) The Fragman

178 : You Have The "Arena" Artwork As Your Windows Wallpaper.. The Fragman

179 : The First 16 Web Bookmarks in Netscape are all Magic Pages... The Fragman

180 : You Frequently Come To Blows With Your Friends Over Which is the Best Colour. The Fragman

181 : You are restricted from the Ann-Hava-inn J

182 : Richard Garfield refuses to play with you because your deck is unfair J

183 : You read the book entitled "Advanced Magic Tricks" and wonder, "What MORON wrote this!?" J

184 : You memorize a nickname for EVERY SINGLE CARD. J

185 : You confuse Penn and Teller with Mishra and Urza. Nick James

186 : When you start wearing a shirt that says :" MY BEST FRIEND IS A TIME ELEMENTAL ." JRS

187 : you put an Atog in the place of your picture on an ID card, claiming that you just had a bad day Morgenes

188 : You know you have been playing Magic too long when you find yourself playing Magic with your dog
King Tio

189 : You know you have been playing Magic too long when your coffee breaks at work are substituted for Magic breaks.
King Tio

191 : You know you have been playing Magic too long when you start calling your dog Atog.
Mary Van Tyne

192 : You know you have been playing Magic too long when you find it amusing when you use storm cualdron and fastbond to play and tap 500 some mana just to stream of life back to your original life.
Dann Burdette

193 : You know you have been playing Magic too long when your drug habits suffer because you spend too much money on magic
"The fan"

194 : You're using pennies to show tapping and have over $3 on the table.
Arrion

195 : You count your money in terms of how many cards you can get with it.
Arrion

196 : when your bed is surrounded by all 5 COP's whenever you go to sleep.
JD of UTC

197 : when you forget when the last time you lost
Gandalf

198 : when you begin to suffer from 'card burn'. Symptoms: Reddish blisters on thumb and forefinger of right hand
Gandalf

The Magic Joke Collection : You know you've been playing too much Magic when..

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